my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
