No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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