Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
