youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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