I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
