My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
