Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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