I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
