she smelled like a LAN party
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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