Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
