Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
