Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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