I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
from now on my penis is your penis
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
