i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
