She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
