He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
