Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
