One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
