they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
