Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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