Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
