The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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