guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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