There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
