Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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