But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Someone signed my nipple.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
