I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
