..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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