god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
