guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
