some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
3 2 1 whiskey
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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