I love black thongs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
