Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
