We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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