he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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