first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
