woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
