I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His hands were made for my vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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