Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
