I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
