marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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