Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
