But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
