So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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