He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
