I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
