After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
