Don't make out with my wife yet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
