I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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