You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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